The last few months have been some of the best-and most challenging- of my life. The joyous arrival of a healthy baby girl, and time spent learning what it is to be a new family- are wonderful things. However, all of these wonderful events have had a dark side for me. Blame it on postpartum hormones, blame it on a discontented spirit; either way, I haven't been happy. Whether it was struggling with nursing, extremely low self esteem, weight loss, or super tight finances..each day has been a battle. First it was TV- if only we had cable and internet back, I'd have something to watch or keep me entertained while I was up all hours with the baby. Then it was my husband's car breaking down (thus turning us into a one car family)- which left me at home with a newborn and no ability to go places, every.single.day. If only we had 2 cars again, I'd be happy. Then it was fantastic weight loss, which turned into weight gain as I started taking Domperidone, a medication to help with milk supply- which also made me pack back on the pounds. If I lost weight I'd be happy. Other days I'd think if only we had a bigger/better house, I'd be happy. If only my husband graduated sooner and got a better paying job quicker, life would be better. I especially thought this after more than one argument about where my maternity leave savings had gone; because it had all but vanished- whoosh! Gone. That's right, more money would make me happy.
Contentment in where I am now, with what I have now, is the only thing that will be fulfilling. We've never gone without, are taken care of and have endless things to be thankful for. I've got a loving husband, a beautiful daughter, great friends and family, and no material object or social ideal will ever compare.
This is one of my favorite songs- one that reminds me that no matter where I am, or whats going on- I have much to be thankful for. God teaches us lessons in every circumstance, if we are willing to see and to listen. I'm actually pretty ashamed to admit my lack of contentment. Wise people have always told me that faith-like life- is about the journey and not a destination. May I remember this and purpose to see the good in each small thing, and to take joy in where He has me.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28, ESV