I've been a yo-yo dieter all my life- I come by this honestly, many in my family are this same way. I could probably think of at least 10 times my mom lost a bunch of weight with Weight Watchers, only to gain it back before finally losing about 80 lbs 5 years ago and keeping it off. I was chubby during the latter half of Elementary schools, and into Jr. High. I was incredibly depressed and self-conscious and wanted to fit in, so I began a schedule of exercise and starvation. I became very thin, getting down to about 120 lbs ( which on a 5'10 big boned frame is about a size 3). Of course, it was incredibly unhealthy. Oftentimes I'd eat 500-700 calories a day and exercise several hours as well. I binged & purged, and worked out obsessively if I deviated from my diet at all. After several years, I finally came out of this as my health began to suffer.
What happened next was a gradual weight gain, over the course of high school and beginning of college. I hovered around a size 14, then up to a 16, and finally, 18 and got more and more depressed. When I got married two years ago, I refused to have engagement pictures taken because I was too embarrassed to put them in the local papers for fear of what former classmates and family friends would think. My husband has always been supportive of me, through thick and thin ( literally) but to be honest, I'm miserable.
When I became pregnant with my daughter, I lost weight. I knew I couldn't afford to gain so I ate healthily, and a hefty dose of nausea and acid reflux helped keep my eating in check. Even so, I was diagnosed with pregnancy-induced hypertension. I went on medication, and was monitored closely. Thankfully, my daughter and I are both quite healthy, but who knows? If I weighed 50 lbs less, it may have never happened. On the other hand, it might happen again no matter what I weigh..but still. After she was born, I lost a quick 20 lbs but managed to gain it back while sitting at home and being lonely with a newborn.
So, where does this leave me 1 year after her birth? Ready for a new lifestyle, that's for sure! I do not want to slip back into obsessive calorie counting and exercise again, as I know I'm prone to do. So my goal is simply to eat healthily, eat smaller amounts, and get a consistent exercise routine going.
I'm sure y'all have heard of P90X, well...I'm not in good enough shape for that. But the same company has a 'baby P90x' of sorts, called Power90. It is designed for out of shape people, and is 3 months long. I ordered it today and am anxiously awaiting its arrival. I'm hoping a structured, daily workout will help me gain strength and get in the habit of working out & feeling better about myself. In addition, I am logging my food intake at sparkpeople.com, and using some of their goal tracking tools.
I hope to document this transition on the blog..the successes, and plateaus, new recipes and hopefully some inspirational stories. My first goal is 50 lbs, and I'll re-evaluate after that. I also indulged in a tried and true pick me up this week :
And tonight I'm coloring my hair, so that should be interesting as well. Its sad to say, but in many ways I feel like I've given up, because I feel so unattractive. Hopefully I can strengthen not just my body, but my relationship with God as well, because if I look for fulfillment in appearance alone, I will always be lacking.
'I can do all things through Christ, Who strengthens me'